Mom guilt—if you’re a mother, you’ve undoubtedly encountered it (because it’s a universal phenomenon). I know I have (however, it took me considerable time to acknowledge its implications). I still remember the initial moment it invaded my thoughts. My son was a newborn and I found myself utterly exhausted. I placed him down in his bassinet for (just) five minutes, hoping to enjoy a sip of coffee and catch my breath. As soon as I sat down, that insistent voice began: You should be holding him. What if he feels abandoned? It’s that relentless feeling that, no matter what actions you take, they’re insufficient. Although mom guilt is remarkably prevalent, I’ve realized over time how crucial it is to confront it—not merely for my own well-being but for my family’s sake as well. This discussion will delve into how mom guilt can affect us (and more significantly) how we can navigate it in a constructive manner.
“Being a mom is worth every stretch mark, wrinkle, and sleepless night.”
What is Mom Guilt:
Maternal guilt encapsulates self-doubt or feelings of inadequacy that parents (especially mothers) encounter. It manifests in trivial instances (such as giving an infant a tablet while preparing dinner) and in more significant decisions—whether to return to work or breastfeed. I remember the moment I decided I was not going to breastfeed; I wept for several days, convinced that I had failed my son. However, in hindsight, I recognize that providing him formula did not signify that I was a bad mother—it instead showcased me as a mother striving to do her best. Society (along with social media) often intensifies these feelings, presenting curated portrayals of mothers who appear to have everything in order. But the reality is this: no individual is perfect.
How Mom Guilt Affects Moms in the Long Run:
- Mental Health Struggles
Constant guilt (often insidious) can lead to anxiety and even depression. I’ve had days when I couldn’t enjoy small joys of motherhood; however, I was too busy berating myself over something trivial. Although this was frustrating, it seemed unavoidable. Because of this, I sometimes found myself ensnared in a cycle of negative thinking, but knew I had to discover a way to break free.
- Strained Relationships
For a while, I was so focused on being a “perfect mom” that I neglected my relationship with my fiancé. I didn’t think I could take time for us (because I felt guilty leaving our son with someone else). However, over time, I realized that nurturing our relationship was just as important for our family’s happiness; this revelation reshaped my priorities. Although I had my reservations, I came to understand the significance of balance in our lives.
- Burnout
Striving to be all things to all people is utterly exhausting (I have experienced this firsthand). Running on fumes, I believed that taking a break (would diminish my worth) as mother. However, spoiler alert: it does not. Although I often felt guilty, I have come to realize that self-care is essential; this is necessary for not just my well-being, but also for those around me.
“You are not a bad mother because you have bad days. You are a human mother, and that’s all there is to it.”
How to Cope with Mom Guilt:
- Recognize and Acknowledge It
One of the most liberating lessons I’ve acquired is to assert: “This guilt doesn’t define me.” Whenever I sense it (crawling in), I pause and question whether my expectations are (indeed) realistic. However, it’s crucial to recognize that self-reflection is a key component in this process. Although doubt may linger, I remind myself that I hold the power to redefine my narrative (because) I am in control.
- Challenge Unrealistic Expectations
I used to believe (in some ways) that I had to spend every moment (interacting) with my son; however, I’ve discovered that independent play is just as vital. Letting go of “the perfect mom” myth has proven to be a game-changer (for me). Although it was challenging at first, this shift has allowed us both to develop.
- Celebrate Small Wins
Did I manage to pack (some) healthy snacks today? Win. Did I make my son laugh? Win. Focus on the things you’re doing well (rather than) what you think you’re lacking; however, it’s crucial to recognize (that) even small victories matter. Although challenges persist, this mindset cultivates resilience. Because of (this) perspective, we can navigate our days with a sense of accomplishment, but we must not overlook the significance of these moments.
- Make Time for Yourself
One of the best things (that I’ve accomplished) for myself is to establish a “me-time” ritual. Even if it’s only 20 minutes of journaling (or perhaps a brief workout), it serves as a reminder that I’m more than just a mom; I’m a person, too. However, this practice has become essential for my mental well-being. Although I often feel overwhelmed by responsibilities, I recognize the importance of carving out time for self-care. This simple act not only rejuvenates me, but it also enhances my ability to connect with my family.
- Connect with Other Moms
Sharing my emotions with other mothers has proven (to be) incredibly validating. I’ve encountered numerous analogous narratives; this reminds me that none of us have everything figured out. Allow Your Children to Observe You Prioritizing Your Well-Being. When we tend to our own needs, we’re instilling in them the importance of doing the same (because) this sets a powerful example.
Final Thoughts:
Mom guilt can be an integral part of the journey (however) it shouldn’t dominate your narrative. You’re doing your best (and this) is what truly matters. If you’re experiencing feelings of overwhelm, remind yourself of this: your love is sufficient. Although you’re providing your child with affection after a tantrum or simply managing to get through the day, you’re already an extraordinary mom.
Drop a comment below if you have ever felt this way, or are still feeling the mom guilt. Let’s share our stories with each other!
Below is a link for a journal that I have found helpful as well as other mothers.
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The Honest Mom Journal: The struggling moms guide to struggling less. A daily guided journal for moms facing mental health struggles, depression & … A journal, diary, for stressed out mothers.
